Ho-Ho-Huh.

Ah, the holidays. Nothing strikes fear into the heart of most humans in the 21st century than this time of year. A few years ago, one of the hardest things I ever had to go through was on a Christmas Eve. Needless to say, for several years after that, Christmas Eve struck me with such sadness, I couldn’t celebrate. I tried; really I did. I went through the motions. I bought into the commercialism of getting the perfect gift, I decorated the halls, I cooked the turkey. And all of it just came and went without much impact or lasting effect. Surrounded by songs, colored lights, and even attending church services and doing “good deeds” couldn’t shake the cloud that hung over my memory of that one Christmas Eve.

Then, like a snowball thrown by a grade school boy, it hit me. It was ONE CHRISTMAS EVE.

On one Christmas Eve, something not so great happened and I was clinging to  that for years afterward. I used it as an excuse to be a real Scrooge, bah humbugs and all.

But BEFORE that one day, there was the first Christmas with my son, staring with amazement at the lights. There was the year when I was a little girl and my dad brought home my favorite teddy bear (I had that bear for years!). Memories of my grandparent’s traditions were there in my memories, along with the family gatherings, choirs singing, cookie baking; all of it. All of it was there before this one not so great year.

So I picked myself up off the floor after that realization and bought the Charlie Brown-iest little tree I could afford. I had no ornaments, but I had imagination, so it worked. I went to a tree lighting in my new town. I bought “good” hot cocoa. I drove around with my dog in the back seat and looked at the houses decked out in their LED and twinkling glory.

It wasn’t the same.

It couldn’t be the same, of course. From then on, it was going to be different. But that didn’t mean it was going to be bad. It didn’t mean I had to stay in that one bad memory forever, having it stain every holiday season I had left in me. It was going to be different from there forward; so what did I want the holidays to look like now that I had the opportunity to create a whole new tradition?

My choice has been to celebrate “softer”. I have started to put less pressure on Christmas these past few years and I celebrate the Winter Solstice. I take a walk in the steely cold morning, I build a bonfire in the backyard after the sun goes down. Loved ones come to celebrate with me. Drums and guitars and songs drift into air, all welcoming back the Sun after the longest night of the year. Then the merry band of revelers all sit to a simple feast of soup and homemade bread.

The past few years, this has been my tradition surrounded by people who love me. As the years go by, this celebration is starting to make the “one bad year” disappear like faded decorations I needed to replace anyway.

Yup, the holidays are here. And truly there are traditions worth keeping because they bring back the memories of loved ones. They connect us to ancestors, family, culture. But the “traditions” that keep you stressed because you can’t find the right ingredients, or the judgements of family members weigh too heavily on you, or the joy is just sucked right out of you- those are traditions you need to toss. Replace them gradually, over time, and create memories that fill you up; memories that you can look back on and smile.

These new traditions are up to you and yours. It can be as out of the box as Chinese food instead of holiday ham or as simple as a wreath on the door instead of the gamut of decorations all through the house. Take yourself to a holiday extravaganza done at the local elementary school (those kids have the holiday spirit!). Sit in a quiet spot in the woods. Go to a local artist’s studio and buy a little something to support them and cheer you. Get some holly painted on your toes during a pedicure. Chop down a Christmas tree (legally, of course). Keep it simple or make it extravagant. This is the time of year where we talk a big talk about Peace on Earth. Let’s live into that and stop looking for ways that separate us. Trust you will find the thing that lights you up.

May I suggest a ride around town with some really good hot cocoa with too many marshmallows, and your dog in the back seat?