The Traditions We Keep

The other day I decided to wear a lovely floral scarf that had belonged to my mother. It was in various shades of peach and rust, and I felt it went really well with the rest of my outfit. As I left to go to work, I checked one more time in the mirror and thought, “Mom would approve of this outfit”.

That thought stuck with me the rest of the day. My mom and I had a decent relationship but truthfully any big arguments we had were always about clothes. I was not as excited about fashion as my mother. I was comfortable in jeans and a concert tee shirt, but God help me I grew up in the 80s. Princess Diana puffy sleeves blocked the peripheral vision of every high school girl, and  neon colored rubber bracelets a'la Madonna were the sign that you were either with the in-crowd or out. Needless to say, I was not comfortable during these times, and by the time Grunge had hit, I was too old to care. Although I did wear flannel shirts and jeans, but in a  most respectable way.

Why am I sharing my poor fashion choices of yesteryear with you? Reflecting on my fashion choices made me think about how our past influences us, which brings me to an interesting concept I recently encountered: 'healthy ancestors.' during a guided meditation. Now, I do not follow an ancestral or shamanic spiritual practice, but for those that do, many times they call on their ancestors. This was a call to the HEALTHY ancestors, and that’s a whole different group of people, isn’t it?

The truth is, we may have a genetic predisposition to depression, anxiety, addiction, etc. But nothing is set in stone. Finding things that ring true for you is a big part of that. With the holiday season fast approaching, we all have those family traditions that either bring us joy or seem like a chore; “We’ve never done it that way!” or “We’ve always done it this way!”.

Family traditions are important and if they make you remember those “healthy ancestors” in a way that brings a smile, then I say go for it! Make grandma’s cookies, hang up that awful decoration that makes you laugh every time you walk past it, take that family pajama photo and send it to family and friends with best wishes. But if this year has been difficult, it’s okay to make cookies from a boxed mix or buy a few from the store. It’s okay to not decorate your home like a store window (or even decorate at all). It’s okay to just send a text to a few people who are close to you instead of writing the family newsletter or taking the P.J. picture. If you need to have a slower few months to regroup, it’s all okay. Because that will, in the end, make you the 'healthy ancestor' your family will remember.

As for me, I will probably keep it low key, as is my style. I am already thinking of Thanksgiving and the Winter Solstice, two of my favorite holidays. One calls us to gratitude, one calls us to introspection. I will plan with the members of my family that bring me joy. I will keep it simple and learn that picture perfect isn’t reality. And I may even wear my mother’s scarf- not because she would approve, but because I just really like it.

Meditation/Journal Prompt

Who are your “healthy ancestors”? What characteristics makes them so memorable to you? How can you encourage that unique trait in your life?